


Too Good To Be True

by smartpatrolmrdna



Series: Gab's Worthless Scribbles [2]
Category: Addams Family Values
Genre: F/M, Fluff, and his dumb parents made him go to that stupid camp again, but this time he met someone that wouldn't put him in the hospital for laffs, i never give a name to the girl so you can insert yourself in!, its me. he met me. this is self-insert but if yall wanna read it go ahead, joel is scarred and angry, typical teen summer romance :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-30 19:45:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15103691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartpatrolmrdna/pseuds/smartpatrolmrdna
Summary: After Joel was in the hospital for a whole month due to Wednesday nearly killing him (at the end of Family Values), he never talked to her again. He hated her. So when his parents made him go back to Camp Chippewa, he prayed she wasn't there again. Much to his pleasure, she wasn't. But there was this new girl...





	Too Good To Be True

**Author's Note:**

> Please God Help me i keep starting fics and then never finishing them im very sorry to all who read my David Krumholtz-based fanfics. im especially very sorry to david krumholtz if he ever finds this account, which i wouldn't be surprised if he did. :/ anyway this isn't smutty since Joel is like 15 and I may be underage, too, but a lot of people on the internet aren't so i wanna stay safe.

Joel Glicker was in love (again).

This time, with a girl that wouldn't kill him. 

He was completely over Wednesday Addams. She really thought she was funny just because she glorified death.

_No! You're not! You're just edgy and stupid! You think you're cool for being against the mainstream, but you aren't!!_

Joel had to take a puff or two from his inhaler every time her name came to his mind. Which, lucky for him, wasn't frequently. 

He may be considered a 'wimpy nerd,' which he understood, but that didn't mean he didn't have the strength to hold grudges. Or to get over things quickly. He was bullied and insulted at school so frequently that he was used to betrayal and anger and hatred and _"rrrrggghh,"_  he thought. To help him keep his head up, he remembered this Shakespeare quote:

 

> _Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,_
> 
> _Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn._

_That's right, Romeo!_

Was she pretty? Yes. But did he absolutely despise the way she carried herself? Big yes.

_Does Stephen Hawking act all high and mighty for being a super-genius disabled scientist? No! Well, maybe, but it doesn't seem like it! And I wouldn't know._

Anyways, yes. Joel was in love again. Completely throwing out his anti-love agenda. The first minute he saw her, he knew she was gonna be the staple of his summer. She was gorgeous: her (large) boobs were defined by her cute orange dress; her thick, wavy, dark brown hair looked so soft, and framed her face quite well; her lips were perfectly pink and full, and her nose slightly resembled his own. Also, Joel had spotted, she had reaaallly sexy legs. Like the kind that would crush your skull, sexy. And she looked very nice, too. Not like one of the evil Hitler Youths that also went to Camp Chippewa.

With a sudden boost of adrenaline and nothing to lose, Joel went up to her.

"Hello," he said, grabbing her attention. "My name is Joel Glicker, I've never seen you here before. Are you new?"

She looked at him with big, sparkly, brown eyes and the abnormal ability to freeze time, and she  _beamed_ at him.

"Hi, Joel!" said his future girlfriend, "I am new here! Thanks for noticing me, I thought no one would. It looks too clique-y here," she laughed.

He felt blood rushing all over his body: his cheeks, ears, nose, and (hopefully not) his penis. 

"Oh-uh-yeah. I hate it here. It really is too clique-y." 

"Oh.. that sucks."

"Yeah... hey do you wanna see if we can sneak away before the activities start?"

"That sounds good, where will we go?"

"I think I know a place," Joel said. The two got away easily, but it took a few minutes to get to the cabin in the far back woods. No one would  _ever_ go there voluntarily, so why would the counselors check on this place randomly? 

On the walk to the cabin, they just had small talk. He wanted to know everything about her, so he had to start with the basics.

She's from New Jersey, Jewish, and a junior in high school, he found out.  _Two years older than me!_

She was like a dream to Joel; a dream he hoped he would never wake up from.

They got to the cabin and he sat down in the very center of the couch while she looked around the room in disgust.

"Now, I kinda like Disney, but in this context? Uck, it's abhorrent."

Joel laughed and nodded. ' _Abhorrent'... smart girl, big words,_ he was freaking out, his brain slowly deteriorating,  _Stephen Hawking? Never heard that name before only know Pretty Girl._ He had to take a puff from his inhaler to calm himself down.

"Hey," she giggled turning around, "look at this dumb game I just found. Wanna play it?"

"Sure." As Joel got a closer look at it, he saw that it was a conversation game. 

She sat down right next to him and smiled, "I'll pick one then you pick one. Alright, first topic: 'Describe your ideal boyfriend.'"

"Oh- well- I'm more into girls, but-- oh shit," Joel was beet red. Why didn't he get that it was a joke?  _She's gonna think I'm queer now. Fuck!_

Snapping out of his thoughts, he looked over to see her dying laughing. To seem chill about it, he joined along.

"You're so funny, oh my God!" She thought he was kidding.  _Phew._ "I'll just answer this one, I guess. My ideal boyfriend is smart, likes writing, Jewish as well, and looks like a nerd but like a super cute one. Oh! And also likes classic fiction.  _Frankenstein_ and stuff like that. Yeah, now you describe your ideal girlfriend."

 _She just described me. Is she flirting with me? What? WHAT? Uhhhhhh._ Joel's brain fell short of an answer and triggered him to say the first thing in his mind, "You. Oh, shit, wait. Uh. Sorry." 

_I'm gonna kill myself. What the fuck. Oh God._

"Aww, you're so sweet," she was blushing. "I think you're cute. You don't have to like writing or fiction, though. I just threw that in there to trick you."

"Oh, don't worry, I love both of those things! Just ask my 100-page Star Wars fanfiction," he was smiling. Big Smiling. For the first time in a while.

"I love Star Wars! Luke is my favorite, how about you?"

"I don't know.. more of a Jabba boy, myself."

* * *

They continued the rest of the night with chatter like that. No cards needed. It was simple, and incredibly fun. He finally was able to be himself around  _someone_ , he couldn't even do that with... the other one ( _shut up, Joel!_ ). Each hour that they spent in the cabin, the closer they sat together. By 7pm they were spooning. Joel being the little spoon, of course. The best part was that she didn't mind it at all! No complaints, she even liked it. 

Joel wasn't sure if this was real or not. It just seemed too good to be true. 

"Hey," she whispered into his ear.

"Yeah?" he whispered back.

"Have you ever kissed anyone before?"

"Yeah, why? Have you?"

"Of course. I just wanted to know if you were a kiss virgin so I didn't freak you out with this," and she pressed her lips hard up against his.

There wasn't any flavor to her, but the feeling was just sweet. Like he just ate a ton of sugar cookies. And the fact that she had kissed  _him_ first, without any warning, turned him on.  _I like independent and strong women, I guess._ The kiss lasted long. Then it was followed up by a few more long kisses, and before they knew it, she was laying right on top of him. 

She was attacking his nose with little kisses when she accidentally knocked off his glasses.

"Uh oh!" she reached down and grabbed them off the floor, "I hope I didn't break them."

"Yeah, I hope you didn't either. Then I wouldn't be able to see your pretty face."

"You! Oh my goodness," she exclaimed, "you're so charming."

Joel's glasses weren't broken, thankfully. He asked her if she wanted to just lay there and cuddle with him for a while, and she happily obliged. She wrapped her fingers around his hand while she laid there, on top of him, with her face buried in his neck. Joel had never felt so warm and happy. He placed his empty hand into her hair and started brushing it with his fingers. _So soft! Just as I suspected_.

"How 'bout we just stay here the rest of the summer," she suggested.

"I agree, actually. We could always try. But we wouldn't have any food."

"Eh, we can eat leaves, or something," she joked.

"Well, it depends on the kind of leaf. I'm allergic to about two hundred and thirty-six different things. On estimate."

"I don't think that could even be possible. How are you alive?" 

"My parents have a lot of money to buy me a lot of pills," Joel explained.

"Ooh."

Eventually, they fell asleep on top of each other, but woke up early enough to watch the sunrise on the roof. 

"This is so romantic, Joel," she complimented.

"I know, this is nice," his smile beamed brighter than the sun. She had noticed this and kissed him on his soft cheek. 

"I wanna go somewhere else," she spurted out.

Joel was surprised, "What do you mean?"

"I wanna go somewhere different. Like the beach. Or anywhere nearby with somewhere to swim."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Water's fun. Are you allergic to that, too?"

"No way, but I am just a little afraid of it. Only a small fraction of marine life has been discovered! Imagine getting eaten by a shark-octopus-angler fish giant hybrid and nobody being able to figure out what happened. It's plausible."

"You worry too much."

Joel nodded, "I get that a lot."

"Do you know anywhere else to go?"

"Yeah, there's a lake in the camp but they only own half of it, so if we get to the other side, we can stay there and they can't do anything if they find us."

"Sounds good."

* * *

A week later and they were still at the lake. Both of them had their bags on them, and the walk to the town grocery store was only 15 minutes, so they were able to acquire food and hygiene stuff. 

The only problem was that they were both afraid to bathe in the lake. 

She was scared of the bugs, there could be leeches that would attach themselves to her _vagina_.

Joel was just scared of taking his clothes off in front of her. Lakes were of no danger, unless there  _were_ leeches. Or snakes. Or ALLIGATORS ( _No, no, be realistic_ ). 

Though, one morning as they were laying awake, watching the sunrise, she said she wanted to take a bath.

"Are you sure?" asked Joel.

"Yeah. It's been way too long since I've taken a shower and my hair feels so greasy I cannot stand it any more."

"Understandable."

"I want you to come with me though," she suggested.

_Can't do that. She'll laugh at me. I'm gross._

Joel was not actually gross, just self-conscious. And he had a lot of scars from surgeries, but those didn't get on him as much as his pudgy stomach did. Or his slightly hairy chest. 

"Will you?"

"Not sure yet, I'll tell you when I am."

"No, I can't wait anymore! My hair is way too greasy! And I need my strong boyfriend to hold my hand and fend off the leeches," she joked.

_Boyfriend._

"Ok, I guess. But don't make fun of me," Joel said timidly.

"Now, why would I do that? Also, you're a restless sleeper, and your shirts end up riding up so it's not like I haven't seen your tummy."

"Oh."

"Don't worry about it, though, you're the cutest little thing I've ever seen!"

* * *

 Stripped down nude, they both walked into the water together, hand in hand. 

"Ok," she said, "I'm gonna dunk my head under water. I'll need you to dunk down with me."

"Alright."

They looked at each other and counted, "1...2...3..."

They covered their noses and dunked in, and quickly shot back up.

Joel's jaw was twitching due to the cold and his girlfriend was gasping. 

After they had both settled down, they stood still for a couple more minutes to watch the last part of the sunrise, when the orange left the sky.

He looked over at her, smiled, and squeezed her hand, "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked.

"Giving me purpose."

They had been isolated from society for a week with only each other to talk to. They'd stayed up late nights and slept in the sand. Of course there had been deep conversations. A lot of them were about religion, that stuff was stressful to a hormonal teenager; but some of the other ones were about family, friends, and other troubles. She knew exactly what Joel was talking about.

The two dunked into the water twice more: the first time being because they felt brave enough to, and the second time was because of the shock of the freezing water.

The next month and a half continued like this. 

_Eat it, Wednesday._


End file.
